Hope

You can Live only so long in Fear and then It turns to Apathy.

I wish to Live in neither.

I will Live in the Blessed Assurance.

That Space Between.

In Peace that

What I can't change

And

That Which I can't shield

Will be what It will Be

And

Is what It Is

And all for

Good Cause

And

Good Purpose

Amen.

Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine!

O what a foretaste of Glory Divine!

Perfect Submission, all is at Rest;

I in my Savior am happy and blessed.

Watching and Waiting, Looking Above,

Filled with His Goodness, Lost in His Love.

Realizing

I think I'm starting to realize how really rare it is for people to actually finish this Christian race strong.

I've been watching those that grew in the faith with me, and those that I mentored get picked off, one by one by one. And I wonder, why is this?

Was their relationship just not built with lasting things; was it made with wrong reasons that wouldn't hold up against the persuasion of this world?

And I am not above it, but for the Grace of God, I am not one of them.

But it's true. Narrow is the gate and few find it.

But for the first time, I see and I understand, but it doesn't hurt me. There is nothing I can do for them but love them. I can teach them in the ways they should go: rebuke, correct, and love them. However, in the end I can't choose for them.

So my energy is not for them (although my prayers are). My energy is for the harvest. The people who have not even been given a chance to choice for themselves. They deserve my energy.

Yes, I mourn for my brothers and sisters who have taken a different path. Yes, I still love them and talk to them. But my energy is for those who have never known, not for those that know better, because they ALREADY know better. They know all that I know, yet they've chosen another path.

Maybe they just "did the right things" had a facade. Because they DID do the right things! The followed the rules, and played the game and it TRULY was NOT a game to them. It was real....but it still didn't last.

What's missing? Love?

I've seen that too. They will have an emotional experience and be so committed to the one they love...in that moment...while feelings last. An infatuation with Jesus.

But a Committed love. A truly sold out love, through pain. A deep understanding of what He did for us, and what it means. That changes things.

I'm discovering people are much more complex than I previously imagined

Doomed to repeat

It's hard to watch the very kids who hated Christians growing up, turn into exactly what they hated: Christian Hypocrites.

Today, we are the Church. What kind of Church are we being? We can't blame it on "those people" anymore. If you are a Christian and you're a legal adult, congratulations: you're either part of the solution or part of the problem. There is no "Them" anymore; it's just YOU. YOU ARE the Church.

What we hated growing up: the lying, the two faced living, the stingy, hateful, divisive, gossipy people that called themselves Christians.

Many of us said, I'd rather be with the unsaved! But now that YOU'RE saved, who are you? Are you what you hated? Are you facilitating the "problems" in the Church?

Are you what I hated growing up? Are you all talk and no walk? Do you divide? Do you live crazy?

Do you reflect an accurate representation of Jesus? Are you TRYING to?

Who do you really serve? Who do you really love?

God grant us the grace to be the people that truly love and serve you; growing in love for others; learning to be more like your son.

__________

The advocates that I put my hope get eaten up one by one. It's almost like this invisible force is going after them in particular to make sure that their voice is silenced and their influence never reaches this world

Go.

The is randomness, and I'm trying to put it together within 20 minutes before class.

Sonam Pervase.

He made me cry. But I'm not sure why.

He is a missionary to the Northern India mountain people, mostly Buddhists.

He just told his story

What got to me:

-when he was on the mountain side and cried: "Whatever you want me to do God! Just give me one! Just give me one person to disciple" because it was so difficult to get just even one person

-When he was at work in Japan. God told him to leave the job. And he looked around "you've been faithful here" and he had shared the gospel to every person there. His work was done. Even at a job, it is an in to missions

-The persecution he and his family is under. Ridiculous persecution and hate.

....

In Germany they came first for the Communists,

but I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.

Then they came for the Jews,

but I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for the trade unionists,

and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Catholics,

and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.

Then they came for me, and by that time

there was no one left to speak up.

-Martin Niemoeller speaking to the Confessing Church in Frankfurt, Jan. 6, 1946.

Day 3, actually on day 3

God, help me have eyes to see. We weren't meant to be islands, and as Christians, we weren't meant to be floaters: just going with the flow of the current. We were meant to change things, change the world, change society. We were meant to infect it. We were meant to change it's perspective by casting light on the things that were dark. We were meant to change it's flavor by being salt and adding our enhancement. You've set me on this path where my mantra has become "then change it, then change it, then change it, then change it." Whether in relationships, groups, school, organizations, society, government, or the world, if there is a problem, change it. I was taught that the only two choices you have when something bothers you are say something or get over it. If I don't say anything, I can't get mad. If I don't vote, I can't complain. If I don't change it, then I have to be ok with it staying the same. And if staying the same is unacceptable to me, then I have to do something about it. I can't wait by hoping that it will change. I am the mover of mountains, I am the facilitator, I am the destruction of the status quo.

I am, with Your help.

See a need, fill a need.

See a problem, fix it.

See the despair, be the hope.

I wasn't always like this; You know I wasn't. I was very insecure, very unassertive, but you've brought me on this journey. You have changed my thought processes without any help from me. You have altered me. You have answered prayer. And as I read my Social Work book, I realize just how successfully You have plotted my course. Without me having much conversation with You, You have guided me to a place where I am supposed to be. It all builds and all compounds on each other, every lesson You have ever taught me.

"As a social work practitioner, you will likely have to face community problems and gaps in services. As a generalist practitioner, you will probably encounter times when your agency is accomplishing tasks ineffectively, is not doing something it should do, or is simply doing the wrong thing...When such problems exist, it is the practitioner's professional and ethical responsibility to consider helping the agency improve its service provision to clients"

"Social workers are generalists who require a wide array of skills. Social workers don't pick and choose what problems and issues they would like to address. They see a problem, even a very difficult problem, and try to solve it. They must prepare themselves to help people with individualized personal problems on the one hand and to address very wide-ranging problems that affect whole organizations and communities on the other"

This is what I've been becoming. When I read this I thought, holy crap!! This, Adam, is why I felt so strongly when it came to the situation with Master's: I am a social worker, I am a fixer. This is what I was born to do, and now I can get paid to do it.

So, God, help me. Help me to have eyes to see and ears to hear. Let me to shrink away from a problem, thinking it is too big for me. You are the MASTER of social change. Numerous times (probably way more than I will ever know), You've taken individuals in oppressive, impossible circumstances, and used them to facilitate change. Lord, let me not get indoctrinated into social work dogma, but take the tools I'm learning and use them to facilitate change that YOU desire! I don't want change for change's sake, or social justice for social justice's sake. I want to keep my eyes open for the strategic change for Your kingdom and glory. Use me to be a Moses, a Daniel, a Joseph, a Deborah, an Esther, an Isaiah, a Paul, a Tabitha, an Elijah, a Teresa, a Lillian Trasher.

Lead me to the places to change, keep me from the places someone else is to change. Give me grace, patience, and trust in You. Help me to remember that You are the God of Abraham. The God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were. You make the impossible real. With You, Change IS Possible.

Help me to never forget that.