The Fruitless Life

This is a vent, just so you know. So I've been doing quite a bit of soul searching for a little while now, with the focus in the area of evangelism. How do we do it? How do I do it? There is a lost and dying world, and what am I doing about it? Is my life bearing fruit?

Now when I search for answers, I am much more aware when people speak on the topic. I open myself up to really hear what they have to say because they may have the key to what I am searching for.

However, with this, the more I hear, the more confused I become. It seems that each teacher has a different perspective on the way it should be done, or even the way JESUS did it.

I am growing to hate messages that push evangelism simply because I feel so thoroughly confused afterward. Some people seem to take the "in your face" approach (which I am not really able to do), others take the "relational" approach (which would be fine, but I seem to make no impact in my friendships for Christ). Others take the "felt need" approach (perhaps that one will work, and as a Social worker I may get that opportunity, but if I'm in a secular organization, we aren't allowed to talk about Christ. So if their felt need is taken care of but they still don't come to Christ, what good did you do?).

All I know is that one of God's highest priorities is to seek and save the lost. That should be MY highest priority then too. And yet, my life is fruitless. Yes, fruitless. I feel the weight of the lost, and yet I seem incapable of bringing them the Good News. Awesome.

So the speakers talk about GOING! Isaiah wasn't called, he volunteered! So volunteer to go reach the dying world!

Yep, check! Did that. I'm willing to go and do whatever you want. I'm trying to figure out HOW. Do I stand on a soap box and preach? Well, that's too offensive! Do I just love people? Great! I can do that...I DO do that, and yet THERE IS NO FRUIT. What's the problem? Am I missing something? Do I have to go to another country to see fruit? Is fruit just not what I am supposed to produce? Well that seems dumb.

Over and over again they tell me, billions are going to hell. Who will save them? Won't you go? And over and over again, I look at my life and what I have done...and it seems fruitless, in the sense of salvations. Am I just called to discipleship? To take those that are saved and disciple them? "Everyone's called to evangelism!"

So what am I missing God? Am I just preparing at this point? Is it even OK to be preparing and not seeing fruit? I am willing! I am willing to go anywhere do anything for however long you want it. So do I just go SOMEWHERE and hopefully it works out? Or do I wait for your go ahead? I would think the second, but other's say the first too.

I hate this! Can't I just live for you?...I have been....but there's no fruit...so something is amiss.

What does an evangelistic life look like for me?

Who am I to listen to and believe?

So many people die without knowing you and I'm doing nothing. Are you ok with me preparing and THEN going? Can I afford to wait? Others can't afford it. It's all so urgent, but I am desperately searching for an outlet and cannot find one. Where is it? Where do I plug in? Where do I pour out? Where is my niche? There's no time to waste. This isn't a game. I've volunteered, when is it my time to go?

Sincerely,

The Fruitless Life