Passivity: Take Two

After reflecting on what I wrote first, I found a flaw

Yes, a flaw.

There a different types of passivity. All which I dislike. However, someone can be active in one area and passive in another.

Let's discuss my family.

I said, "my mother was active, my father was passive."

Yes. In having to do with discipline, this is true.

But emotionally, they were both passive.

I wasn't the most outgoing child.

A lot of times, I kept to myself.

I stayed in my head; alone with my thoughts.

I was a depressed little child and I was very private.

I felt completely invisible.

People want to be seen.

People want to be fought for.

People want to be noticed.

It's true, perhaps they don't want to talk about it.

Perhaps they really don't trust that you care.

But the fact that you noticed means a lot.

But how would they know unless you said something?

I was invisible.

Sometimes I still feel invisible.

There's a lot of pain in this world.

There's a lot of hurt.

But I think Acknowledgment of that hurt and pain

Is the First step.

People need to know that they are noticed.

But many times people never ask.

For a variety of reasons, they don't ask.

And the person continues in life

Thinking they are invisible.

They believe no one sees and no one cares

And it's reenforced by passivity.

No one speaks up on their behalf.

No one does anything.

I had an overwhelming desire as a child to be known.

In youth group.

At home.

In class.

To be known.

But I was unable to talk about myself: I didn't think anyone cared to hear.

Questions were the catalyst for me to open up.

Yet, not many ever asked.

Perhaps they didn't care to.

Perhaps they believed I would open up when I was ready.

Perhaps they didn't notice.

My parents never asked.

My mom noticed things were wrong with me.

I know this because we've talked about it now that I am more talkative.

She never knew how to deal with me.

She never knew how to make me open up.

So instead, she left me alone, in a sense.

She was with me, around me, loved me, but she never asked.

Maybe once in a while a "what's wrong with you?" would surface

But never a "you look sad today, what's the matter?"

Sometimes I would lie.

Sometimes I would say "nothings wrong"

But she knew I was lying.

She never called me on it.

She allowed me to do what I wanted.

Perhaps that's the right thing to do.

Perhaps it is my own fault that I lied.

I know today, I try very hard not to lie in this manner, because I do only have myself to blame if people believe me.

But what about others?

What about children?

I believe every person has a desire to be known.

I believe that people who want to be known but can't get it for themselves, leave hints.

Many times these same people will sabotage/contradict these cries to be seen.

You know these students: the hard ones, the intimidating ones, the silent ones, the lying ones, the fake ones, the downcast ones, the closed ones.

They simply want acknowledgement

Yet, because they are difficult, they are many times overlooked.

I've found that being straight forward, heals a lot.

The truth is a beautiful thing.

To call a person out on their sabotage, on their contradictions, on their closed off-ness, shows that you've seen it.

That you've taken the time to notice.

And after you've been blunt, and still come back; that's when you've built a bridge.

You've stripped away their mask and their attempt to hide.

You've told them you see them and you care.

And even if they snub you at first, the fact that you've come back, means the world.

The consistency is key.

In youth group, there were only two leaders that ever knew my name.

These leaders were on a missions trip with me, and got to see me.

In youth on wednesday nights, I never had a leader come up and talk to me.

I was quiet, I was shy,

And I was hurting.

There is something about remembering a person's name that is powerful

There is something about remembering a person's face that is uplifting

There is something about including people that is moving

There is something about acknowledgment that is healing

Passivity has many general forms

But it means

accepting or allowing what happens or what others do, without active response or resistance

Sometimes I believe being active in another person's life is resisting the very things that the persons says they want

I believe fighting for a person is sometimes fighting that person

When I was in junior high, I had to take a stupid class with my mom on parenting teenagers.

She's told me many times that she believes we were in that class for perhaps one phrase that changed her view of parenting teenagers.

Roughly, the idea was that during an argument or discussion or full on fight, a teenager may say very ugly and mean things. They may say "I hate you" or "You're a tyrant" or any number of generalized extremes.

But the key is to disregard the actual words the child is saying and to discover what they really mean. They are saying something that is significant, but the meaning has to be discovered because it is covered by emotion. So when they say "You're a tyrant I hate you" they may be saying, "I need to be with my friends sometimes and I feel like you don't trust me because you give me no freedom." As a parent, if you only listened to the words, you would feel disrespected, hurt, and offended. The problem would never be solved. But since teenagers are not yet able to express themselves in mature forms, we as adults who are more developed, must translate for them in order to solve the problem

I believe this principle should be applied to Christians.

I don't believe it is right to take anyone (non-christian especially) at face value.

{This is generally meaning, don't assume that you know}

Because of walls, because of cultural differences, because of silence, because of hurt, people are saying words that only hint at their real meaning.

It is our job to read between the lines. Our job is to go deeper than words, down to the heart.

By God's grace and power, we need to truly see people.

We need to look beyond the words, the attitudes, and the masks, to see what's really going on.

Christ saw into the inner man.

He saw the Pharisees for what they really were,

and he saw the Samaritan woman for what she really was.

And he called it out.

He didn't allow them to stay comfortable.

He didn't allow them to hide.

And that's when change happened.

The status quo was destroyed.

Something new HAD to happen.

He was Active.

We need to see.

We need to call it out for what it is.

We need to make people a little uncomfortable.

We need to shake things up.

We need to be people who are Active.

We can't settle for the Status Quo.