10-5-365
This is the beginning of my journey of discipline.
Let's face it; I am NOT disciplined and I have NOT been disciplined for a very long time. I am an instant gratification type of person, and I have always known that. I have been trying for many years, to be a lady of discipline, of prayer and of devotionals. However, something always "better" comes along to get my time or energy or allegiance. Now, I would love to say "NO MORE!" but I know myself. I know that this type of discipline is a life long process and a DAILY struggle probably till the end of time (insert dramatic music here). Bottom line, I know myself better than that.
God has been telling me for a LONG time, to just spend time with Him…CONSISTENTLY and in a manner that is not already scheduled for me already (I.e. Chapel). I should be having consistent time feeding myself with the spirit in order to be equipped for each days challenges. And yes, even when I am disciplined, there will be days when it is just not possible to meet up with God for a set apart time with him, just like there are days when I am not able to have significant talking time with Adam. But I am much better at setting aside time for Adam than I am God, and there are a number of reasons why that is, but none of them really matter.
I just need to discipline myself.
So that brings us to today. My GOAL which is rather lofty for me, I must admit, since I never finish anything I start, is to spend at least 10 minutes a day with God (whether that is in worship, reflection, meditation, prayer, or reading), 5 minutes of reflection writing (which I will post here, and this is probably the part that will keep me on track the most), for 365 days straight.
Can I do it? I'm not sure, but I'm going to try. And just because I've failed in doing this…pretty much overtime for the past…5 years is it? Doesn't mean that I shouldn't try again. God, of course, is worth it. And truly, 10 minutes isn't really that much. What's funny is when I start praying or getting alone with God, I could be gone for hours!! The first minute is the hardest because THAT's the minute I have to start! Starting is the hardest thing. So once I get into 10 minutes, I may go much longer than that.
So what did I learn today?
Well Chapel's speaker today- Scott Wilson- had good things to say. It wasn't a sermon as much as it was a sharing of his journey. It was REALLY good, but difficult to take notes because there was no three points. But there was a lot of really good "sayings"…or advice…or whatever you want to call it.
Things that stuck out to me for me….
In your calling or "doings" don't live your life for yourself, to make money, make decisions based on your family, (obviously this is with wisdom), get you speaking gigs, get you hired, earn you more money, get you more fame
-All you have to do is follow him. By praying seeking, following. You don't have to coordinate your success or your provision or you family's provision (He WILL Take care of them), instead, humble yourself under His mighty hand and HE will raise you up. He will mold you and shape you and when you are ready, he will set you up.
Analogy-cooking. Those that seek their own success and betterment will be taken out too early and will fall. But God will take you out (of the oven) when you are ready to serve.
The Cost. We don't ever really know the cost when we say "yes" to God. Yes! I want to be great! Yes! I want to do great things for God! But will I drink the cup?….
Well…that's why we are starting with doing Devos.
We want to be used by God but when the time comes to drink the cup, we feel like God failed us, that it wasn't supposed to be this way. We get hurt.
We want to be used by God but when he uses us we feel….used.
Where is my security?
I will never be in a place, save enough people, do enough things, know enough people to make me feel secure. (i.e. when I'm "insert" then I'll be confident, or have made it)
Security will never come. Security can only come from going on your knees and asking God what He thinks.
SO SEEK HIM.
We ask him for vision and direction.
And he doesn't.
But if he gave us everything, if we knew everything, if we saw the whole picture, it would freak us out. (and III for one, freak out about EVERYTHING, so I'm glad he doesn't tell me even though I ask)
It would be too hard, too much hurt, too much responsibility, too much cost.
Instead of asking what the vision is (although yes, there are times to ask for vision. When the leader doesn't have vision, the people perish)…maybe I should say don't ask for what the journey is
Instead ask "what should I focus on" or "how can I better love people and serve them" or "today, how can I better love you God" or 'how can I have this relationship be honoring to you?"
Ask for today, don't worry about tomorrow.
Do not be conformed to the patter of this world (don't worry about what they worry about, or go after what they go after) but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Just seek him, don't worry about your promotion or provision or your families future or care. He will provide as he provides for the lilies of the fields or the birds of the air.
Success is obedience
It is not something that if you study hard for, you can achieve it 10 years.
Success is obedience and you can do that today.
_____
So my prayer time. I prayed.
Something I read from one of my school books...an article "So you want to Be a Missionary?" was stuck in my brain.
It's not that I actually want to be a missionary per se, but it was just a part of the article that stuck out
"Be sure you know that working for Jesus is not work for hire. You did not earn your way onto his work force, and therefore you must not expect wages from him"
I'm not sure what exactly I was feeling, thinking, or praying that had to do with this.
Sometimes I get ideas or have trains of thought that are like watching lightening bolts. They flash but all you can recall seeing is a memory. You never really saw it, but you try to recreate it in your memory. Its becomes just a figment. That's how it is with my thoughts sometimes. It hits. And I know I saw it, but the more I try to look at it the less and less that it's nailed down.
One day it will strike again, but not this day.
I think it had to do with grace. This quote built upon several other flashes on previous days. It'll come together again.
That's all for now
Day One.
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